| Your craziness is my sanity. |
I'm clinically mentally unstable. I do have a mental illness. It's not one of the cool varieties that people are afraid of or write horror films about. Instead, it's a very common one. Yes, I am a recognised sufferer of clinical depression. Who isn't, nowadays? But anyway, being one of the crazy elite, I've come across a few questions from skeptics who want to think that I'm just making it up to try and stand out from the crowd. What is craziness? What defines insanity? What makes us mad as opposed to just 'quirky', or 'different'?
Now, I'm no expert, but I would define crying for hours on end for no reason and having panic attacks in the middle of the night as being slightly more than just 'unique'.
Craziness affects us all in different ways at different times. Sometimes I just want to shout it out from a rooftop, from every rooftop, to stop the bastards asking questions ('why do you care about that so much?' 'What do you know about mental illness? You're not an expert!') Sometimes I want to make everyone just shut up about it, but not usually.
Usually, I want to find the twatheads that did this to me and scream in their faces, 'look what you've done to me, look what you've done because you thought it made you look tough in front of your mates'. But I won't get the chance to do that now.
However, there is a fine line between craziness and the normal workings of the brain.
And that is why I don't tell people that I'm ill.
I have told three people. The first person, my best friend, was understanding, and accepted it. She said she didn't know how I felt, but that she would try and help me. That was a good response.
The second person said, 'oh yeah, I had depression too.' I was surprised, and asked how they got over it. They replied 'I just did'. It emerged that they classified 'depression' as a mood, not an illness. They had once been sad after getting a bad grade in school. I gently explained the difference between our conditions, and they remained adamant that it was the same. I then shouted that years of sexual and psychological taunting is slightly more likely to cause depression than a C in art. We've barely spoken since. What a shame.
The third person said that they had also had depression, after their dog died. Now, of course, they were very sad, but clinical depression is diagnosed by a disproportionate reaction to trauma. With me, the bullying I endured ended, but for months and months afterwards I was still crying every night, still couldn't go out in public on my own, still depended on others to look around the corner for me in case someone was there of whom I was afraid. I needed months of therapy and confidence building to be anywhere near normal. But, you know, I suppose I shouldn't dwell on it. People that dwell on things just get annoying. So hopefully by writing all this down, I can stop thinking about it and just be more normal. Yay.Labels: me, sanity |
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Name: AnwenKya
Home: Cardiff
About Me: I am a 5ft blonde teenager with an overactive imagination, bad temper and terrifying sense of humour. Hear me roar!
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background by tayler
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posted by AnwenKya at 
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